A Little Desert Apartment

I tend to not discuss anything too political or religious on my blog because this is my outlet. My way to... let it out and for the most part, it's about my life. I need to release the thoughts I can not speak. What's interesting is that I can vocalize about religion and politics but what's in my heart, I can not. Only problem is that, sometimes I can't form sentences because my mind will be going much quicker than my speech. I wonder if I have a speech-language pathology problem. Literally, there are times where I will have what is on my mind but what comes out is completely different. It's odd. It might also be my thyroid because I am have serious fatigue, brain fog and weight gain. Also, my throat just feels... full. I am an idiot about my insurance plan at work. All last year, I used my insurance ONCE. Yeah, ONCE. So, I switched to an HSA plan and now I regret it because I think I need more than one visit. Oh well... such is life.

Oh. The point of this blog today. I was thinking about my life. That is something I do quite often. Every time Emma has a procedure, the dust gets stirred and here I am thinking about life. I am so exhausted lately. Is it stress? Is it my health? It's hard being a parent, period. I am so lucky that Emma is really a good, good girl. She is such a trooper and rolls with the punches. I feel so bad that some days I feel like I fail her in letting her be a child. I have so much to do and there just isn't enough time! My weekends are spent doing laundry, doing homeowrk, cleaning and I am so tired that we don't really go anywhere! I need to get her out and about but it's sooo exhausting for me. Just the thought of going to the zoo makes me sleepy! I think it's my weight, too. I have blown up from a size 6 to a... I am not saying! Ha! Just know it's too big. I haven't gone out with my friends in many, many, many years. I need a girls night out! I don't even know how to do my hair anymore! I look sooo frumpy! I did go with my friend, Pat, out for drinks at a small bar (I just had a coke! Boring! LOL) for Show Tune Sundays! and we went out for dinner. He's such an amazing friend to me. He's taking care of his mother who is rapidly declining from Alzheimer's. I also haven't been on a date in... 3 or 4 years. I just don't feel like dealing with men and the whole crap that is the dating world. I feel like I will be single forever and honestly, it doesn't bother me. The only thing that makes me panicky is that I worry about finances. Maybe I should buy a house and convince one of my friends to be my roommate. Sigh... just rambling, I know. I have been trying to workout more. I am only using hte Wii Fit. Getting to the gym is nearly impossible. Shit, I used to be cute. Yes, this is a pity me post. I need this so... bite me. I am an atheist who loves religions. I think the Torah, Qaran, The Bible, the Bhagavad Gita and The Sutras (I know I am missing some... sorry, am tired and rambling) are the most important books in the world. I am serious. They chronicle man's history and I love them.

Last time I went out, 2008. I was able to meet a few moms who have kids who were shaken also (I'm in the teal blue). It was lovely!



*Yawn* I am going to crash. I am fatigued.