Just... tired

I tend to not discuss anything too political or religious on my blog because this is my outlet. My way to... let it out and for the most part, it's about my life. I need to release the thoughts I can not speak. What's interesting is that I can vocalize about religion and politics but what's in my heart, I can not. Only problem is that, sometimes I can't form sentences because my mind will be going much quicker than my speech. I wonder if I have a speech-language pathology problem. Literally, there are times where I will have what is on my mind but what comes out is completely different. It's odd. It might also be my thyroid because I am have serious fatigue, brain fog and weight gain. Also, my throat just feels... full. I am an idiot about my insurance plan at work. All last year, I used my insurance ONCE. Yeah, ONCE. So, I switched to an HSA plan and now I regret it because I think I need more than one visit. Oh well... such is life.

Oh. The point of this blog today. I was thinking about my life. That is something I do quite often. Every time Emma has a procedure, the dust gets stirred and here I am thinking about life. I am so exhausted lately. Is it stress? Is it my health? It's hard being a parent, period. I am so lucky that Emma is really a good, good girl. She is such a trooper and rolls with the punches. I feel so bad that some days I feel like I fail her in letting her be a child. I have so much to do and there just isn't enough time! My weekends are spent doing laundry, doing homeowrk, cleaning and I am so tired that we don't really go anywhere! I need to get her out and about but it's sooo exhausting for me. Just the thought of going to the zoo makes me sleepy! I think it's my weight, too. I have blown up from a size 6 to a... I am not saying! Ha! Just know it's too big. I haven't gone out with my friends in many, many, many years. I need a girls night out! I don't even know how to do my hair anymore! I look sooo frumpy! I did go with my friend, Pat, out for drinks at a small bar (I just had a coke! Boring! LOL) for Show Tune Sundays! and we went out for dinner. He's such an amazing friend to me. He's taking care of his mother who is rapidly declining from Alzheimer's. I also haven't been on a date in... 3 or 4 years. I just don't feel like dealing with men and the whole crap that is the dating world. I feel like I will be single forever and honestly, it doesn't bother me. The only thing that makes me panicky is that I worry about finances. Maybe I should buy a house and convince one of my friends to be my roommate. Sigh... just rambling, I know. I have been trying to workout more. I am only using hte Wii Fit. Getting to the gym is nearly impossible. Shit, I used to be cute. Yes, this is a pity me post. I need this so... bite me. I am an atheist who loves religions. I think the Torah, Qaran, The Bible, the Bhagavad Gita and The Sutras (I know I am missing some... sorry, am tired and rambling) are the most important books in the world. I am serious. They chronicle man's history and I love them.

Last time I went out, 2008. I was able to meet a few moms who have kids who were shaken also (I'm in the teal blue). It was lovely!



*Yawn* I am going to crash. I am fatigued.

Surgery number.... not sure!

Emma had another surgery last week. As you may recall, two years ago she underwent a cranioplasty to repair her skull from her head injury that allowed her the freedom to live life without a helmet. Let me tell you, talk about being able to exhale as a parent when that huge area that was without bone was closed up! Whoo! Well, anyways, three of the screws from the repair started protruding and bothering her and we elected to remove them. Also, at the same time, she underwent a brain MRI and received her quarterly botox injections in her left arm and leg. Her neurosurgeon, Dr. Shafron, found a small gap in her skull where her brain wasn't protected and called from the OR to see if it was ok if he could try and fill it in with some bone cement. Of course, I said yes! Sadly, the cement didn't take and she still has the gap. She's lived with it this long, I think she will be fine. As long as she doesn't fall and hit that exact spot, of course! He did say we will revisit it in a couple of years. Emma did really well (kids blow me away with their resiliency!) but what was supposed to be an overnight stay, turned into two because she wasn't eating or drinking and was just vomiting. On Friday, she slowly began eating and drinking again (Whew! Thank goodness) and came home. I was starting to get uber stanky. Seriously... I smelled like... well. I won't say anything on THAT. Ha! The really cool part is this was our first time in the brand new Phoenix Children's Hospital Tower! It's beautiful! Private rooms!!!! And of course, the one thing that didn't change: the staff is always top notch! We have been fortunate that since day one of her injury we have had THE BEST doctors and nurses/child play therapists/therapists/etc that we could have wished for. I am dead serious. There is nothing like having people involved in her care that truly care.

Enjoy my beautiful baby's pictures! (Yes, she will ALWAYS be my baby!)

Fresh out of the operating room


We are on the 8th floor


Sleeping beauty:


Puss N Boots makes every good in the world of a child :)


She loved having a dolly to play with (Thank you Child Life!)


Only my Emma would smile like this after surgery!


LOL!! When she saw her reflection for the first time, she said "I'm a vampire! Grrrr!" That's a chocolate pudding face all the way!

We don't need no stinkin' Panda Express Around Here...

Emma and I are, frankly, addicted to Orange Chicken. We do love Panda Express BUT I have slowly developed an allergy to shrimp. A dangerous allergy, and unfortunately, Panda uses to the same oil they fry their Orange Chicken in with the shrimp they deep fry. I can't risk it. It's too dangerous. I don't understand why, with shellfish allergies as prevelant as they are, restaurants don't have a dedicated fryer/pan/prep area/etc for shellfish. Eh, it would be nice but logistics make it difficult, I am sure. So anyways, Trader Joe's has a wonderful Orange Chicken in their frozen section. I baked those bad boys up, made some jasmine rice with spinach and topped mine with sriracha. The good life! Besides, it's much cheaper than Panda Express!

Don't need no stinkin' Panda Express!

Emma and I are, frankly, addicted to Orange Chicken. We do love Panda Express BUT I have slowly developed an allergy to shrimp. A dangerous allergy, and unfortunately, Panda uses to the same oil they fry their Orange Chicken in with the shrimp they deep fry. I can't risk it. It's too dangerous. I don't understand why, with shellfish allergies as prevelant as they are, restaurants don't have a dedicated fryer/pan/prep area/etc for shellfish. Eh, it would be nice but logistics make it difficult, I am sure. So anyways, Trader Joe's has a wonderful Orange Chicken in their frozen section. I baked those bad boys up, made some jasmine rice with spinach and topped mine with sriracha. The good life! Besides, it's much cheaper than Panda Express!