A Little Desert Apartment

Prior to going back to the OR.

I am writing this post after spending the last few days exhausted taking care of a little girl in a lot of pain.  Tonsillectomies and Adenoidectomies seem to be a right of passage by the time a child reaches a certain age.  Or maybe not.  This procedure is treated by the average every day person with no more thought than say, wisdom teeth extractions.  We think it's an every day part of life.  This is NOT a decision to be taken lightly. I jumped at getting her in the OR and having Emma's taken out.  However, it was not a decision I took lightly.  I never put my child through anything without making sure it's in HER best interest.  The concern over her snoring, lack of sleep and escalating anger/rage was what made the decision to proceed.  The ENT felt that this was the best option and removing the tonsils was a "no-brainer".  I spent the month after her appointment researching the POST surgery care.  I knew that removing them was the answer.  I still have no doubt in my mind that this is the best decision.  I dated a man, a very brilliant and promising man with a future ahead of him, who had a very severe sleep apnea (Emma has an obstructive sleep apnea) who died in his sleep due his CPAP failing.  From the moment following surgery, she has slept well.  Not great, not perfect but better than before.  Dr. Rizzo (Brian Rizzo, DO) told me following the surgery that her tonsils were just as enormous as he saw the first appointment and they were nasty.  This really made me feel terrible. No.  He didn't say I did anything wrong but it brought home that all her issues could have been resolved sooner if i had taken her to an ENT sooner BUT I am a firm believer in the universe flows in harmony for a reason.  I won't go into my beliefs but timing is everything.

In the post op

In her room for her overnight stay (that gown- AWESOME! Google Bair Gowns)

Getting ticked at me

First meal after surgery!

Hold on. Let me step back to post recovery.  It's terrible.  Tuesday and Wednesday- not too bad.  She ate some, drank some.  Pain under control. Not many complaints.  Dr. Rizzo forewarned me that day three and four would be the worst.  He stressed it.  The Pediatrician in the hospital stressed it (she stayed over night).  Nurses stressed it.  He (and the previously mentioned staff) stressed the necessity of water.  Of chewing.  Of pain control.  He said if I see blood, to call HIM.  A small amount of blood is normal and can be controlled with ice chips.  He stressed day three and four would be terrible for her because of scab formation.   He wasn't lying.  I am proactive on pain control.  Whether she's complaining or not, these two days- she's getting pain meds.  I am glad I am doing this.  She's sleeping, drooling, and being forced to drink water/gatorade mix.  Holy CRAP- her breath smells like a rotting corpse. LOL.  Terrible.  Today not as bad as yesterday.   I look forward to the healing stages and for my beautiful child to heal.

People have made innocent, well meaning comments that this is nothing compared to her previous surgeries.  I so disagree.  Her first surgery post head trauma? Major and much worse than her tonsillectomy BUT every other procedure? Post care was so much easier. LOL.

And before I forget:
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.  I wear BLUE for Emma.  She survived being shaken and slammed . She lives with the life long disabilities from being shaken.  Child abuse effects us ALL.

 So, of course... timing.

Last week, I interviewed with the corporate office for my company to get to the financial end of radiology. I learned on Monday (April Fool's) that I got the job! Yay! Many pros- this is a good step forward to my career, I am closer to home and Emma's school/after school program. Here's my con- my nerves are SHOT! I have to work for a NEW manager! I have to rebuild the rapport I currently have.  I don't want to be the NEW person who has scheduling demands. My FMLA coverage for Emma transfers with me but I don't want to be on a bad footing and create a bad taste.  Plus... summer is coming and I get mad anxiety over making sure I have caregivers covered.  Yikes.  Nerves. It will all work out.  I have been with the company for three and a half years and it always works out.  Calm down, butterflies!

Love... sigh.  There are times I WANT to meet someone.  I want to be cherished.  I want to be loved.  I have spent the last nearly nine years of my life single.  I have dated but have not had any desire to be in a relationship.  I enjoy being single and enjoy that it's just Emma and I.  I touch on this from time to time- but I just can't see myself in a married, "Brady Bunch"/"Cleavers"/Name any perfect, serving wife marriage... life.  I can't.  I know that if I do meet someone and we click- I don't want to be with a man who wants to be with me every day.  I want him to have his own busy, packed schedule life and we see each other... whenever.  Or maybe, he has an entrepreneurial spirit and wants to build a brand with me.  Awesome.  I just don't want a clingy, needy man.  No thanks.

Graduating in a MONTH! ERMAGHERD! Bam.  I am almost done.  That means? Building my business.  I am excited. Nervous. Scared. Ready.  Joyous.  I have been planning and dreaming for some time.  I am get jittery thinking of starting! Yikes.  Wish me luck!

Until next time...